Route 58 In Virgina, AKA the J.E.B. Stuart Highway, west of Stuart, Virginia. Lots of Stars and Bars flying. I prefer, “The long and winding road”.

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But the post is intended to be a progress update. I seem to be approaching, or have passed, an inflection point. Not sure which it is, but gains are being made. Some are more easy to quantify than others. Here’s my attempt to step through a (somewhat) examined life.

The physical: Weight – I stepped on the scales on September 23, 2019 resolving to achieve a target weight. The goal was to move from 30.1 BMI to 22.0. On March 1, 2022, 893 days later, I hit that number. I think it was the tofu paneer in Carrboro that got me there. It is strange to me to shift from thinking about consumption from a weight reduction perspective to a maintenance mode. I can report that the Chinese food last night pushed me back up over target this morning. ;-]

Fitness – Once I’d hit 80% of my weight loss goal I started on fitness. I’ve gotten superb support from Amy at Bangor Brewer Athletic Club both while in Bangor and while on the road. Slowly improving balance, core strength, flexibility, and muscle tone. Feeling good about that, but find I do not yet have the habit, or will, necessary to exercise without making the external commitment to a trainer. I am telling myself that once I get home, and have the opportunity of a more routine schedule, then I’ll do better at self-discipline. Looking from the outside, I’m skeptical of that.

School – just writing this makes me a little sad. – – – – – Janelle thought it absolutely ridiculous that I felt the need for a Bachelors Degree. But as she supported me in so many ways, she supported me in this unconditionally. As it happened, classes started ten days after I lost Janelle. School and my loss seem tightly linked, for no rational reason. But school has also provided a means to occupy my thoughts and time. I just finished my last course for the current session at UMPI. The next session starts March 14th and I only need an additional ten credit hours. I’m on track to graduate in May. One of my advisors really wants me to go to Commencement. I can’t. I am certain Janelle would have required it as well. And I can’t imagine getting through that ceremony without her. I guess this section made me more than a little sad. But I have gotten to the point where I can get through the paragraph.

That takes care of the quantifiable. On to the softer items. Or maybe I should call them the harder items.

My place in the world. In many ways this is the crux of the Journey. And in many ways clearly a work still in progress. But gains are being made here as well. I am now confident that solitude is critical to me. But so is community. Being solitary comes naturally to me – cultivating community has to be intentional. At least right now. I read a quote yesterday from a guy named Platonov, “…but comrades are a necessity. Without them, you can’t conquer a thing and you end up being a shit yourself.” I’m not yet recruiting comrades but would like to avoid being a shit.

On the personal side, on my return to Bangor I plan to be a bit more of a “joiner”. “To what?”, you ask? Not sure, but just activities that are conducted as a group, not solo. No need to be world changing, just community affirming.

As far as giving back, I’ve applied to FEMA to be a “Reservist”. These positions are “on call” for emergency response. One needs to be available to deploy in 24 hours for up to three months. Exactly what I would be doing would depend on which specialty I got hired into. I don’t have a strong preference at this point. And don’t know that I’ll even hear back. But it is a component of my search for purpose.

In summary, I have plenty of open action items. But I also feel for the first time that I have a coherent path forward and a glimpse of a return to normality. Not the original plan when we retired, but a new normality. I am hopeful.

Not only does this feel appropriate for my current state, it was a favorite of Janelle’s, who, despite all of my progress, I still miss terribly every single day. Such is life.